Never mind all that faffing with sandpaper, bike chains and chisels. Just take one of these (in case you’re wondering what it is, it’s a ride on mower):


And just let him loose on the furniture:


And that’s all there is to it. A professional and authentic looking, time worn finish in no time at all.

The little table blocks the way into my kitchen! I nip in to make a drink whilst Jasper is scoffing his dinner and if I’m not careful, he’s on his way in to join me:-)

Let’s explore the fashionable concept of ‘shabby’ and ‘distressed’ a little more. You might like to look at the lovely ‘bird bath’ that embellishes my garden:


Yes, it’s the stone stand to the right of Jasper, with no bath on top. The ‘distresser’ scratched his bum on the bird bath and it gave up the ghost.

You might also notice that the shed in the right hand corner is on a tilt; it’s a little like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. The narrow space at the side of the shed is where Jasper goes to avoid being caught when I want him to go in the stable. It’s so narrow, that once he’s crammed himself down the side, I can’t squeeze down either side to get him out, so have to wait until he decides to come out. One particular evening, he’d been stuffed down the side of the shed for ages, amusing himself by leaning over the fence and eating the neighbours plants. After an age, I’d had enough, so got some feed in his bucket and shook it, to let him know I’d got food. Alas, my 6ft + long, greedy horse turned around in a 4ft space and the shed lost the battle of the bulge.

So there you have it, the easy peasy way to distress your home.

I’ve masked off a Louis chair in readiness for painting. Now all I need is a few spare hours and some sunshine and the distresser: